Rick And Morty: Rick Sanchez Is Only Afraid Of Two Things - Here's What & Why
Rick Sanchez (Justin Roiland and Ian Cardoni) may be the smartest man in the multiverse, a man regularly compared to a god by his enemies, but even he knows when he's outmatched. Across all the seasons of "Rick and Morty," there are only two things the genius scientist has ever truly feared in a galaxy full of dangerous beasts, criminal aliens, and powerful intergalactic governments.
Rick's two biggest fears are hilariously common: squirrels and pirates. We learn about his fear of the former in "Morty's Mind Blowers," where Morty (then voiced by Justin Roiland) learns that Rick removed a memory of him accidentally learning that squirrels are hyperintelligent beings that control the world from the shadows — or, more accurately, from the branches. The squirrels are so powerful that, when they learn Morty has caught onto them, they swarm the Smith house, forcing Rick and Morty to abandon that dimension.
As for Rick's fear of pirates, it's mentioned as a throwaway gag in Season 3's "The Rickchurian Mortydate." Having made an enemy of the president (Keith David), the commander-in-chief has Rick and Morty handcuffed using "Sanchezium," which he believes to be Rick's weakness. But when Rick reveals he made up the element and tells the assembled generals not to believe everything they read on Wikipedia, one of them gives an order to stand down, saying, "He's not afraid of pirates," as a gang of soldiers dressed as seafaring scoundrels emerge from the underbrush. But Rick panics and starts running, telling Morty, "That part was true."
Don't mess with squirrels or pirates in the Rick and Morty universe
Rick might be afraid of both squirrels and pirates, but there's only a good explanation for his phobia of the former. Since squirrels in the "Rick and Morty" universe nefariously control world events, it makes sense that Rick wouldn't want to get on their bad side, but shouldn't the smartest man in the universe be able to take down a gang of pirates with relative ease?
From Morty's brief encounter with squirrels while wearing a device that allowed him to understand animals, we know that they orchestrated military coups in Argentina and Guatemala, are secretly the ones who pick new popes of the Catholic Church, are exploiting the Global South with the help of ExxonMobil and Monsanto, and are using chemtrails in Uganda. It's a mishmash of crime and outlandish conspiracy, making it clear that squirrels are not to be trifled with. Pirates don't seem nearly as terrifying in comparison.
The most likely explanation is that Rick has irrational fears just like anyone else. Some people have a fear of clowns, some can't stand spiders, and Rick recoils at the sight of a pegleg and eyepatch. But one possible explanation is that Rick has encountered pirates before and it didn't go well. There's an oblique reference to this in Season 1's "Anatomy Park," in which Rick turns a dead body into an amusement park with a ride called "Pirates of the Pancreas." He seems incredibly proud of that attraction, telling Morty, "We don't whitewash it, either, Morty. I mean, the pirates are really rapey." Ultimately, fans are probably better off not knowing what went down to make Rick so scared of pirates.